Studies show that the more kids are attached, the more secure and independent they actually become, and subsequently have a high emotional intelligence and social competence.
What is Attached Parenting?
It’s a combination of breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing,
differentiating between your baby’s cry language and ‘no sleep
training’.
I get to hear tons of things from my friends and family, enquiring if I’m still breastfeeding my child? He’s so big how do I manage? Does he not bite? What if he asks for it in front of people, it’s so embarrassing. They suggest that I should wean, breastmilk doesn’t provide him any nutrition, it’s just a habit.
Often I also get questioned if we co-sleep? Because for most people, co-sleeping is a massive no. They argue that kids will never learn to sleep alone in their room. And of course, do I not want my life back? Do I not want to give time to my husband?
Regardless of these arguments, the internet is flooded with information about the advantages of breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and no-sleep training. And as a mother practicing all of the above I would love to share how this has helped me.
Breastfeeding has helped me in building a rock solid bond between me and the boys, as well as in losing weight. The extra dose of oxytocin to resist postpartum depression is to be thanked here. Besides, it’s also helped me keep away from prying aunties telling them its time to breastfeed or while escaping from parties and people whenever I’ve just wanted to spend time with my baby or husband. So I can say, breastfeeding, does have its perks.
Co-sleeping has made my life easier by not having to get up a
million times to check on the AC, or if my baby has got a duvet on him,
or if he’s fallen from bed or has had a nightmare and is crying his
lungs out. Oh, the horror!
Also, it tremendously helped me with breastfeeding. Thus, co-sleeping has been an absolute success.
Baby-wearing is a popular practise around the globe. For me, it was something I practiced at home a lot with my older one, and he turned out really calm. On the contrary, I couldn’t practise it with the younger one earlier as my elder child wanted more attention. So my younger one would cry more, was more cranky and I couldn’t understand what was wrong until I went on a holiday with him at 3 months and he was with me all the time. Things have magically sorted out on their own and he’s such a happy child now.
All the western countries have always advocated sleep training and a lot of Indian mothers are supporting it too. Sleep training means letting your child cry it out till he figures that no one is coming to the rescue and he self soothes and goes back to sleep. Accord to William Sears, the biggest advocate of attached parenting —infant training hardens the mother emotionally and that children who undergo such training don’t sleep better but merely resign and become apathetic, a state that he refers to as “shutdown syndrome” meaning they emotionally shut themselves out. Emotional venting out is always suggested and preferred rather than emotionally shutting down even for adults, then why do we want to do it for babies?
To conclude, my only message to all mothers is that, you will always get free advise throughout your life, its completely on you to follow them blindly or to conduct your own little research to decide what’s best for you and your baby. A child needs his parents only when he is young, everyone grows up to be independent and so will your child. Don’t push them to be independent right from the beginning.
Today I see mothers giving themselves priority over their children,
fussing over the child being clingy and wanting attention, crying about
toddler tantrums and not being able to handle it.
The fault lies at our own end.
This reminds me, what prompted me to write this piece is the fact that my super independent 4-year-old is at his grandparent’s and I’m only just realizing that they really do grow up so fast!
