One of the greatest gifts you can give your child every day is reiterating that their feelings are valid. Being a parent is an overwhelming unpaid job. It is something that all of us strive to accomplish with perfection, yet fail miserably at times and then try again and again. Sometimes, in between all this, we get tired – both physically and emotionally.
In today’s world, we strive towards perfection in every field and every work we do. And we expect the same from our children and put undue pressure on them to perform. In between the chaos of life, work and managing home and trying to teach our children new things, we get caught up in a routine; a routine where the children are expected to function and behave in a certain way, then the carefree childhood that they’re supposed to have.
Children do not come with any warning signs and they certainly don’t have a manual to function on. They can press all your buttons at the wrong time and for this, they get a piece of your mind even when they might have something more important to share. Something that might not be as important to you as it is to them. Shutting them down when they want to talk to you, might make them feel/think that you are emotionally unavailable, slowly leading them to completely stop wanting to share things with you. As humans, we all need someone to listen to us, and children are no different. Listening is the core of strong relationships, and the first step to building a safe, judgemental free zone. Imagine all this and more which you could do by just listening to your child patiently and with undivided attention. The more they share, the more they will trust you to help them in situations. And the more they trust you, the easier it is to handle them. This foundation is best laid when the children are young.
Letting them express emotions of anger, irritation, and sadness is something that completely puts most of us off. We want our children to be playful, happy and active all the time. But when a child gets angry, how many of us ask them, ‘why are you angry?’ How many of us ask them ‘why are you irritated?’ Instead, all we do is tell them to behave properly and that such things are not accepted in the house. Anger builds up, irritation builds up and the child might take this off somewhere else if not in the house. What we should do instead be doing, is to help our children understand emotions, listen to them and make them feel that their feelings are valid and it is ok to feel that way sometimes. What we must teach them is to deal with such situations so that they don’t feel the negative emotions.
Their feelings are valid because they feel them. Letting our feelings out can protect us from depression later in life. Feelings are invalid if the feelings directed towards a person is not reciprocated or acted upon in a validating way. If we want the children to grow up into good empathetic adults, who cares about the feelings of other people around them, then first they need to understand their feelings, which ultimately depend on how you as a parent treat their feelings.
