A lot of parents want to bang their heads sometimes when it comes to dealing with their kids’ behavior. They do not know where to start, and sometimes, all they do is criticize the negative behavior more than appreciating the positive ones. According to experts, a child needs six positive responses to their behavior to one negative comment. Now sit back and think, how many of you do that?
All we generally do is tell them not to touch things. We tell them not to scream, not to jump, not to run, not to eat a certain way, not to take something away from their sibling, and so much more. In the whole process, we get so engrossed into what they shouldn’t be doing that we ignore the wonderful little things they do. Playing all by themselves should be appreciated; when they don’t wake you up in the morning even when they are awake should be appreciated rather than taken for granted. When they help their sibling in group play with other kids should be appreciated. If you look around, there are so many more opportunities to understand than crib about. This way of appreciation makes them want to do more good than to behave negatively. Even though it’s tough, change your outlook. It is when our kids will change theirs too.
Children mimic us. The power struggles to make them brush, sit on the shit pot to poop or eat the one last bite on the plate is not going to help in good behavior. Instead, brush with them. Make them brush your teeth, play a brushing game. Make it silly and fun. Let them choose their brush and paste when they go to the grocery. Sound more excited than them to use it. They sense your excitement and behave similarly. Do not expect them to act your way all the time. Make difficult things fun and silly. Make them enjoy doing it. Offer magazine on the shit pop. Sings songs, read a book whatever it takes. But forcing them to do something they might not be comfortable to do is only going to make the whole process worse and their behavior into bad.
Let them be. All you need to do sometimes is shut your ears and let them be. Not good parenting advice, some might say. But think about it this way, your child is probably spilling water from their bottle on the floor, and you’ve told them before not to, and they still do it. What do you do again? You probably walk in and take that bottle from their hand and yell at them for not listening. Well, they were listening to you the first time, and even this time, what they want is you to react. Since you don’t notice the good, it is typical for them to behave negatively than not behave at all. They would calm down on their own in seconds and keep the bottle back. Later, when they are fine, react then. Tell them how you get tired of trying to clean. Explain the situation when both of you are calm. It would be more effective this way, and their behavior wouldn’t be as bad if you went and yelled then and there.
Talk to them about Consequences. Punishing, locking them up in the toilet, or keeping them in the darkroom is unnecessary and is something that must not be done as it plays a psychological role in their minds. Consequences should be harsh but not hurtful. If they are driving a push car and hitting everyone with the vehicle, tell them if it happens again, the car will have to be taken away. Do this if the same situation occurs still. They would know the consequence of behavior and behave better. Locking them up and yelling and scolding is going to make them rigid, stubborn, and rebellious.
Know what is important; choose your battles. Before telling your child a firm no for everything, try realizing what is essential and where you have to intervene. Too much intervention for everything is going to make them more rigid. Let go of what is not important and walk-in where you need to.
Keep your promises. Most of us in trying to juggle our everyday lives, tend to say something and then forget about it. Or because of being tired and occupied, change what we have promised doing to a later date. What is essential is to keep your promises and do what you say. If your child wants to go out at bedtime, tell them its time to sleep, and that you will take them when they get up, they would know what to expect and behave better rather than have a meltdown about it. Prepare them for situations even for an outing to the grocery. Tell them we do not need chips we have lots at home when you sit in the car and repeat the same thing again and again till you reach. Tell them at the store when they pick up chips, and you will see they respond better and have minor meltdowns.
DO not respond to whining. Children whine a lot and sometimes say what they want while doing the same. Please do not respond to wining requests; tell them to speak properly like a big girl or boy, and only then give them what they want. There might be times where you understand what they want, but don’t just give in, it might be time-consuming and tempting to give in fast but keep at it. They would know how to speak and stop acting up when they talk to you.
Please be the role model you want your child to follow and look up to. Since they mimic you, they will mimic your behavior too. Say please and thank you if you want them to use these words, be patient under challenging situations with them and they might surprise you by doing the same with you.
