Can you as a parent improve sibling bonding?
I don’t know how my mom did it, but getting siblings to bond with each other is challenging. It makes us wonder at times if they’ll ever get along? I’m sure a lot of mothers can relate with me here as this is a question that comes to every mom’s mind whenever she sees two or more of her little ones fighting.
We as parents can definitely contribute to strengthening the bond, rather than simply waiting for the kids to outgrow the sibling rivalry.
My older one, who is almost 5 now, would constantly snap and fight over petty things with his little brother. He would try hard to seek our attention when the same was given to the younger one. The younger one, however, would overreact and cry looking at me whenever his brother did something. I was really tired of this until we decided to go on a vacation together with the kids. I was dreading those 20 days thinking about what’ll happen. But during the course of the vacation, we were struck with many realizations, and we figured where we were going wrong. We returned with the boys sharing the strongest bond ever, with each other.
So what exactly can the parents do to promote this bonding?
The first thing we must NOT do is, to compare. No two people are the same, not even identical twins, so how can two siblings be measured on the same scale? Even telling one that his brother paints so well and he must also learn and paint like his brother, qualifies as comparing. Instead, put it like this— You painted so well, great work.
Here are some changes that really made a difference for my kids:
???? Supporting siblings to nurture each other:
Promoting the kids to look out for each other resulted in a lot of positive changes. They bathed tighter every single day and even applied soap to each other, they shared their snacks, played more together as they were free from their packed school schedules. When one got hurt, we made the other apply bandaids and take care of him instead of us doing the same.
???? Notice what activities they like doing together. This means you can keep those Legos that the younger one can’t build on the shelf for a while. One might enjoy playing with cars and the other with play doh. Why not make some tyre marks of the cars on play doh and encourage some sibling play time.
???? Make a bedtime routine where they both brush their teeth at the same time and give goodnight kisses to each other before going to bed if they are sleeping in separate rooms like mine (because I was still breastfeeding until a month back). I am now considering putting my kids in the same room. Co-sleeping promotes bonding. Do you remember the crazy mid-night conversations with your siblings or cousins?
???? Napping in the same room definitely helps. My kids would wake up and see each other and get so happy. Now they look for each other too if the older one misses his afternoon nap.
???? Instead of immediately helping the kids try telling them to go and seek their siblings’ help instead.
???? Promote the idea of them being a small team. Encourage activities that require equal participation of the kids, even if that means the younger one might make things messy. This team spirit will surely create a stronger bonding.
???? Disagreements and conflicts are a part of every relationship. Don’t take sides. Tell them to resolve their issues on their own until it’s something that you must interfere in. Taking sides is only the beginning of a sibling rivalry. “Mom loves you more” is definitely not a great thing to hear.
???? Express your love to your children equally. When kids realise this they won’t run to you in an attempt to get their sibling(s) scolded.
???? Have fun together as a family. This strengthens the bond between families and also between siblings.
???? When there is a conflict try figuring out the underlying reason to resolve it. Why did the fight occur? Was it for your attention? Do they fight more when they are sleepy or hungry? Were they bored or tired? Understanding these will help you deal with the situation better.
???? Always remember that kids learn from you. The way you talk and behave with one in front of the other is the way they’ll start behaving as well.
Creating a truly strong, unfazed bond between siblings doesn’t happen overnight. Everyday counts!
